Mission: Get Engaged

Spanky and I had a milestone day yesterday. Our mission, as always, was to thwart the nefarious evildoers at Summit from controlling the minds and actions of all those unfortunate enough to fall in their path. We have spent the last two years in this struggle, masked as movie stars, parading around the globe as Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. We could have worked a little more on the fake names and wardrobes, but I guess it's a moot point now. We're stuck.

Yep. that was a rough day...

Lately, we have been trying to lie low and hold onto some semblance of anonymity. We needed to regroup and re-evaluate our strategy. To date, things have not gone well. If we were keeping score, I'd have to say Summit 100, Spank and Spunk 4. (We definitely scored when I went on Jay Leno and Heidi Klum said my hygiene was bad....I'm also give Spanky three points for the mullet. It was a risk, but it definitely paid off). Regardless, we are still losing and the manipulations and mind games continue daily.

Spanky showed up to our meet in these HOT black leather pants. I was getting a little uncomfortable because well, they were hot, but I also didn't want anyone to catch her in her spy gear. When she caught me ogling her, she gave me the look. She gives it to me 50 times a day, so it didn't have much of an impact. When I got around to actually speaking and pointing out the error of her ways, she flipped me the bird (I get that 80 times a day) and told me to fuck off. She stole the pants from the set of her last mission. Apparently, in the 70's and 80's, leather pants were the norm. I really have to speak to Doc about crankin' up the DeLorean...

When we finally got down to business, Spanky told me that she had a plan. She had been working it out, and apparently we were going to throw down the gauntlet and hit them fast and hard. Blitzkrieg and all that. This was going to put us one up....way up, on Summit (Code Name: SuckIt). The only problem being, our personal lives were going to be impacted...big time. Not to say we had very substantial personal lives. The whole spy thing kind of puts a damper on long term relationships, holiday get- togethers, family reunions, etc. We were used to that. Spanky's plan, however, was to blend our (mine and hers) personal lives together, maybe permanently.


She told me we were getting engaged.


She was pretty nonchalant about the whole thing, which made me somewhat suspicious. Spanks never does anything without working through all the details, crossing all the t's and dotting all the i's. She can often be really lame when it comes to being impulsive and going with the flow. In fact, I can't remember a time when she did anything spontaneously. There was that one time in Italy...afterwards, she made me swear on my chia pet that I would never mention it to another living soul. Come to think of it, she made me swear I wouldn't even mention it to myself. Damn, but THAT. WAS.HOT! Now if we put Italy together with some leather pants, we may have something....I'm getting side tracked.

So anyway, she told me that the plan was already in motion, and she really thought this would be the straw that broke the camels back. She went on to quote some other random figures of speech and hyperbole, expressing her enthusiasm for the project. I think I caught some references to the Berlin Wall or the Titanic, but I drifted a little....still staring at the pants.

I came to when she pulled something out of her bag and threw it on the table that separated us. Before I could recover from my shock, she grinned and said "Let's get to work, snookums."